Horns (2014)
-Watched in living room on Netflix-
Is this a horror film? Thriller? Sci-fi? Whatever is, it failed. I tend to go out on a limb more when is comes to horror films, because they are usually fun either way. This film was agonizing and after an hour couldn’t wait for it to end. (Not that the first hour was any better, I was just still adjusting to the boring torture.)
Daniel Radcliffe stars as Ig, a young man the town hates because they think he raped and murdered his girlfriend, Merrin, played by Juno Temple. Their character names alone should tell you how hard the screenwriters were trying. While trying to avoid the gossip-frenzied vultures, Ig suddenly finds himself growing horns that give him a special power. People can’t resist but to tell him the truth/what’s on their mind/their darkest thoughts/listen to his every command. He decides to use this to interrogate said vultures and find out who the true killer is.
While watching this 120 minute story attempt unfold, I thought about how Daniel Radcliffe was actually one of the worst actors I’ve ever seen in a film. His performance was full of over the top huffs and puffs and constant yelling that wasn’t even intimidating. He probably just got lucky when he was a little kid and fit J.K. Rowling’s description of Harry Potter. Not only can I not think of him as anything else but Harry (I was very emotionally invested in the series) but for his own sake, he should have just left his acting career there. I understand a man has bills to pay, but maybe he could land himself a nice steady boom-operating job or something. (I guess I belong in Slytherin.) Speaking of which, he also talks to and controls snakes in this film, just like Harry Potter.
There are so many parts of this film that make no darn sense. Mainly, WHY DOES HE GROW HORNS?! He’s not even the bad guy! Why would he turn into the devil?! And then in the end, (SPOILER if you care) he turns into an angel and then into an even scarier devil! What? Why?
The few props I’d give the film are that Juno Temple is cute and sexy, but would clearly be out of Daniel Radcliffe’s league. I love her as an actress and she did great as always. She’s an emotional doll with a wild side. The soundtrack was expensive and afforded some cool music, so sometimes there’s fun things to listen to. The scenery is absolutely gorgeous, shot in British Columbia, which is the most beautiful place I’ve been to. So there’s at least a lot of lush greenery to occupy your eyes with if you look past the horns.
As the credits started to roll in my living room, I imagined what it was like for everyone in the audience, including the cast, when those credits came on screen during the big premiere. Was there some awkward, polite applause followed by a careful Q&A? I’m sure the question “why did he have horns” was avoided.
This film is for the birds!